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My heart broke a little bit today. My boy took a bottle. It was a breast milk bottle and I had planned it all, in the hope that I would be able to attend a meeting without a mid-way feed… but I have to admit when his little lips eagerly locked around the nipple a little part of me cried. It is a good thing. He is so clever and accommodating. From stories from others I was expecting to have to try several different teats and be well out of the room before he would take it. But that was not the case. He didn’t bat an eyelid. As Dad gently lifted the bottle to his mouth he looked around and locked eyes on me – I couldn’t help it I was spying from the sideline. He did not take his eyes from me. It was like he was saying ‘I kind of like this but you’re all the way over there…’ That’s when I felt the unexpected pang – my baby doesn’t need me as much all of a sudden. It hit me out of the blue and I inexplicably wanted to pull him into my arms and say ‘Stop it’s ok, I’ll never go away you can have all the boob any time you want!’ Instead I restrained and watched gob-smacked as he drained the entire contents I had painstakingly expressed the night before. He was still hungry when finished. Rather than give him the remaining bottle in the fridge I fed him from the breast again. Partially it was to save the liquid gold but mostly it was to make me feel better – I had to reassure myself he all of a sudden wasn’t going to spit the boob in preference of the bottle. He didn’t.

So now with the test run under our belt we are all set for Dad and bubs first day at home alone. Now all I have to do is leave them…

It is late at night and it turns out the boys were just fine today. I was so relieved to hear it in Todd’s voice as I phoned on my way home. I guess I’m not really surprised, the two have had such a strong bond from the moment Dad caught his son in the birth pool.

I spent plenty of time with Harley tonight, I had missed him so this afternoon. We played in the bath, talked and of course fed. I’ve expressed two more bottles and promptly frozen them for the future. Even though the boys were fine and I can use the bottle when I need a break, for the time being I’m happy to keep my boy on the boob for as long as possible.