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Something very strange happened to me the other day. I was in town and after yet another absent moment, someone that I only know in passing put a gentle hand around my shoulders and said,

‘It’s ok darling, you’re pregnant.’

This took me completely by surprise. I was not wearing something that made me look overly pregnant – to me I just looked normal. It was a loving gesture and I smiled and agreed and left with a warm feeling inside.

I can’t explain why it stuck with me but I thought about it for a few days after. Later that week I ran into him again, completely out of the blue, and he did me a kind gesture. In the middle of our conversation I asked him, ‘How did you know I was pregnant, am I that obvious already?’

‘No,’ he replied in his calm manner, ‘I am kind of intuitive about these things and I just knew. Actually it came out without me even thinking it. I wasn’t until later that I wondered what it would have been like if I was wrong!’

‘Well you weren’t.’ I smiled.

We chatted for a long time about his children and their home birth and the work his wife does as a Doula. We talked about their plans and ideals, spirituality I guess, and the implications, and restrictions for a natural birth. He said some things that I initially passed off as too ‘hippy’ for my thinking. But I admit, in the week that has followed it is those things that I have found myself mulling over in my head, my thoughts returning to time again.

At one point I told him, ‘I never thought I would be thinking like this (of a natural home birth). It is so removed from where I work, what my colleagues talk about, that it surprises me a little.’

He looked on, eyes wide, ‘So it’s like its coming from within? Wow that’s beautiful.’

I admit, I can’t help but agree with him. With a smile and promise to talk again we parted ways but I called back… ‘See, you were meant to tell me I was pregnant the other day.’

When I think back to it, It feels like a beautiful conversation that came right when I needed it most, when so many were telling me I was crazy for what I knew I wanted deep inside.

I have decided to put on my big girl pants and speak up about our plan for a home birth. I want it, I believe it, it’s time for me to own it. If I help others by spreading the word, that’s good. If I feel more true to myself for coming out of the shadows of the hospital curtain then I will be living a life of honesty and truth to self that I strive to. First step… telling Mum.

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